This is raw truth!

WOW! I had no idea that my inability to be a team player stemmed from a deep rooted prideful sin.
I NEVER played a team sport. I mean,NEVER! I was on the cheerleading squad but as the mascot. I was inable to do something that required me to rely on anyone else. I do not trust. I always feel that if I want smething done right I just have to do it myself. I get angry when told what to do. I dont like someone else's idea to be chosen over my own...
I am currently participating in a Beth Moore Study entitled Breaking Free and learning how to not be a captive anymore. I am a captive of my own pridefulness and didnt even realize that I was being prideful at all. I never thought pride to be one of my big weaknesses--but man was I wrong.
In leadership roles I feel in control and 'know' my vision is being accomplished. I love being the leader. I have always had a very hard time being an indian to any other chief. The deal was, either I was in control or I just shut down. I didnt know how to do what I was told. That is a real problem for me. In my mind I always know better, see a bigger and better picture, and think everyone around me is stupid and just doing it wrong...
"If I were in charge of that..."
You know how it goes.
Well in doing my study tonight I really learned something about myself...that feeling I have always had about "not playing well with others" it is true, but it is MY FAULT! And more importantly, I can do something about it. I can humble myself and realize that I am NOT the best thing since sliced bread and I DO NOT have all the right answers even 1/2 of the time.
You know, that is really liberating. I dont feel like it is my job to make everything perfect. Because what might be perfect in my eyes is just that, my own personal definition of perfect--and every one has their own.
Praise God for showing me this weakness in myself. I Pray that God helpd me to overcome my prideful nature. I pray that God helps me to recognize my pride as pride.

"I live in a High and holy place, but also with him who is contrite and lowly in spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite." Isaiah57:15


Shane Alexander said…
It is a mixed blessing to make these kind of self discoveries. I have some experience with the one of which you speak myself. The hard part is that part of us just wants to give up trying everything we aren't great at. The blessing is that with self-awareness, improvement can come. That doesn't mean weaknesses automatically become strengths, but it does mean that we can start to manage our weaknesses.

I think you play better with others than you gave yourself credit for in that post, but I know you were trying to make a point and to confess without doing so halfheartedly. I pray that as you try to bolster this weakness you have identified in yourself, that God will remind you of the strengths you have in your arsenal to combat it. (Like the fact that you are good at seeing things through when you are in charge, for one).

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